she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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