Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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