U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
