today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
