Swine flu. Run for my life!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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