hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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