And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
