I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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