maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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