im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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