So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
True college students do jello shots in the library
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
