I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
