My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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