know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
