So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My balls are so social today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
