ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
