grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
