How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
