Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
