I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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