One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
