belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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