Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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