I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
