You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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