community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
