Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
