Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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