Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
