It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
