I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
