JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Life without a bra equals bliss.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
