my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
