Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
