dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
