dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
someone get that fucking seahorse.
too bad you live with your parents still
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
