dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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