Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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