i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
