If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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