I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
