Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
