I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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