you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i've created a new STD.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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