Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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