I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
