dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
