well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
