Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
