i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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