all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
