I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
