My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
did i just pee glitter
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
