when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize