I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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