He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
