hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
