you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
