Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
