Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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