i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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