im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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