last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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